Grief and the Many misconceptions
Often society dictates how people should grieve
Through many generations’ society has dictated how people should or should not be grieving after a loss, as well as how we should or should not feel.
Well-meaning friends as a result often make comments like “they are now with god” or “They are in a better place” maybe even God needed another angel after a loved one passes in death. After a romantic break-up, people often make comments like, “Oh its’s ok it just was not meant to be. You will find someone else. Society as well as friends often are looking to fix it does not listen to the one that is grieving. When that is what one wants most. Another way most of us have been programmed on how we should deal with grief is through observation as a child. Watching adults around us and how they react to death or situations that cause one to grieve. We learn by simply observing. We also observe through television the movies or shows we watch play out ways in which society creates how we “Should” react to grief. School and social media are another way we are influenced as to how society deems how one should grieve in any circumstances.
This is notably true when it comes to children. They are always listening. Even when we think they may not be, or we are whispering under our breaths. Children are constantly learning from us even when we think they are not paying attention. Children model adult behavior patterns it has been passed down through generations. We have all done this, as children. That is how many of us have our coping mechanisms as well as some of our belief symptoms now.
Grief is a matter of the heart
Grief is really a matter of the heart. However, most of us are not given the heart tools. We often give feedback we think others’ heads will understand when in fact it does not make the heart feel any better. An example would be: One may say something like “At least they are no longer suffering” to someone who just lost a parent who has been suffering for a long time with an illness. While this may be a rational thought it does not help one’s heart feel any better. One is still left heartbroken.
6 Myths about grief
- Be strong
- Grieve by yourself
- Give it time
- You will find another
- Do not show emotions, do not cry in front of others
- Keep busy
Society has maintained the use of these terms so much they have become what people think they know, common. Have you ever experienced someone saying something similar after losing a close loved one? Most often people do not stop to think about what they are saying in the moment. Or perhaps truly do not know what to say and these things just pop into our heads as if they are facts because whether we know it or like it often we are just programmed and have not truly stopped to ponder the effects of these myths. How they may feel being received. Next, we will look at why you may not want to perpetuate these six myths about grief.