Become your light on a dark path

Can you see yourself beyond your trauma? Or is it what defines you? Does it define how you feel every day, All your thoughts, emotions?

Why is it so hard?

Well, our minds are designed at all costs to stop us from doing anything that might hurt us. So that would include things that are uncomfortable or scary, or difficult. Our brain is designed to protect us from those things. It is trying to keep us alive. To move past trauma to make a better life we are going to have to do things that are difficult and scary or uncertain. We may not be able to control the events in life, however, we can control and choose what we focus on. What they mean as well as how we are going to react. Making those decisions is controlling our life.  For example, staying in a religious cult is a decision. How we react to situations beyond our control is a decision.  Now Is it going to be EASY to change? No! it is not! However, it is your job to push yourself. It is not the smartest people who achieve success, it’s the people who procrastinate the least and make fewer excuses as they take action every day to move towards the place they long to be.

Indecision is the thief of an opportunity it means the door is still closed. Even though it may not feel like it. we do have a choice in how we will react to trauma.

Are we going to seek the help we need to move past it or are we going to stay stuck? We are powerful humans our minds have the ability to choose to move yet we fear the unknown.

I can personally tell you that this is true. My personal story is I had made the choice to fade and stop attending the Jehovah’s witness church, all the while my husband and I were facing divorce. I was devastated he was my prince charming and we were the JW forbidden love. They were sending him to bethel. we fought for our love despite what we were put through by elders. We were divorced. I was completely devastated. I did not think life could be worse. I had 3 sons and ran a childcare to support them often working 20+ hours a day. I began to spiral out of control. I had no support. I was being shunned by almost everyone of my friends. I was lonely my boys spent weekends with their father. I found myself alone, scared, angry, full of guilt. Did I make the wrong choice? I had no idea where to turn for help. At one point I went for professional help however she could not truly understand all I had been through being an elder’s daughter. Long story short I ended up pregnant…. found out a week later not only was I pregnant however he was married. MORE LIES!! 2 weeks prior to me giving birth I was disfellowshipped shunned by all my family and friends. Sisters and brothers walking by me in the grocery store making loud noises and turning and running as if I had the plague. I felt like I did. I felt even more alone and scared with a business to run and 3 sons to care for and one about to embark into this world. Now if all that was not enough my son was born on March 20th beautiful baby boy! He died on April 2nd of a blood infection.…… I wanted to die!! I thought about it …. How in the hell was I going to go on! My job was taking care of children other people’s babies!! How was I going to care for them now?  I had to make a choice! I had 3 other sons that depended on me. I was so scared, and the anxiety attacks were coming on so randomly. I felt as if I was out of control. I had truly little support. I did not know where to turn. I trusted no one. However, I still had to make a choice and take action. I was an emotional mess! My kids would go for the weekend with their father I would sit and cry and drink alone feeling like the walls were all coming in around me.

I made the choice to continue working with children. I love children. I embraced each new day at times with tears. I hired help. I found that the families that I worked with were way more supportive than any support the church had ever given me. It allowed me to give my boys a good start in life. It gave me a sense of pride.

I also took action in finding things that made me feel just a little bit better every day. I started gardening planting flowers. They just made me smile. I was still incredibly angry so I went to Good Will and would buy cassettes on self-help for anger and a variety of things to help me cope with my anxiety and my grief. As my boys grew, I got involved in fundraising for their school events. I took action! I did not want to stay stuck.  So I did not! I eventually went on to taking online courses and invested countless time and money into myself so I could be here today and help other people move past the trauma learn techniques to help control anxiety trust a higher source.

Any of you who are victims of trauma make the choice to take action using the tools and opportunities that are in front of you to help yourself!

I would have given anything to have had a guide or a course to help me understand myself, my mind, and why and how to take action that would bring me to where I am today! Happy!!  Utilize the tools right in front of you! Become your light on a dark path!!






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